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I think that the fundamental difference than makes me, and probably most females, different from most men, is that I have the ability to masturbate/orgasm by thinking about the nice things my partner has done for me. Buys me Oreos when I’m on my period? Hell yeah. Comforted me as I cried on the phone, even though we were states apart? I’m so wet. Kissed me on the cheek? Played with my hair? 🔥🔥
Of course I also get off to things that I’m sure most everyone, females, males, and anything else you identify as.
What do you think?

one month gone

i miss you, but i guess i missed you while i was still there. i miss you more now with the physical distance between us. but there’s been so much distance between us anyways. i guess that’s my fault. i missed you but i couldn’t do anything about it because i was too hurt. i was too afraid of getting close to you and getting hurt again. i couldn’t let you back in, even when i wanted to. i can’t now, even when i want to now.
it’s been seven months and i still think about you every day. i don’t know what that says. i don’t know if that means i’m still in love with you or maybe i’m just obsessed. maybe i’m bored and i’ll forget about you when i date someone else. but i’ve always felt more connected to you than anyone else. i’m afraid this feeling won’t go away, and i’m afraid that it will. i don’t know. so much has happened and sometimes i still feel hurt. sometimes i still feel angry, and sometimes i wish i could trust you again.

who am i

Do you ever feel like you don’t know who you are anymore. Do you ever feel like an actor on a stage, and when the play is over, you don’t know who you are supposed to be?
Lately I feel like somebody else. I feel like I am acting as a character in my life. Some days I wonder if I am pretending or if this is who I really am now.
I love that girl on the stage.
But some days I’m not sure I’m really her.

If I ever have a child…

When I decide that they are old enough, I will make them watch the Disney Alice in Wonderland movie with me and then after that, I will tell them that we are going to do an unbirthday celebration! They get to pick a gift, we have cake, and celebrate just because it’s their unbirthday. Then as they get older I will show them different Alice in Wonderland movies and it’ll be a cute little tradition.

Coming to terms with the fact that he wants me most when he doesn’t have ms.
Coming to terms with the fact that I’ve become numb to him because of it.
Coming to terms with the fact that it really is over.

Months of thoughts coming together at once

Even after all this time, I still see the things I love about you and how happy you make me. I still see all the reasons why I want to be with you, why I love you so damn much.
But I still see all the things you do that drive me crazy and the things you do that hurt me. I still see all the reasons why we broke up, why we aren’t together now.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting you around, craving your attention and loving every second I get to spend with you. It doesn’t change the connection I feel to you, that thing I only feel with you.
But wanting you doesn’t change that maybe we are both good people who just aren’t good for each other. Maybe we’ve hurt each other too many times to take it back, too many times to say I’m sorry or to forgive.
Maybe loving you isn’t enough.

The way I love him scares me. I don’t know if I would want someone else to love me like this.

“you’re in love with him”
“i need him. and i would do anything to keep him. but i don’t know if that’s love”

I am confused as to how I feel so much and yet feel so little at the same time. On one hand, I want this more than I ever thought I would. On the other, I am uninterested in what will happen.
I have no idea how I can be so torn over something that should be so clear to me.
I know what I want one minute and then in the next, I’m completely confused. Or completely removed from the situation.
I don’t know how to fix it and don’t know if I really want it fixed.
I don’t know what I want,
But I know I want you.